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DON'T MAKE ME BEG February 13, 2000 THIS GERN'S FOR HIRE My resume: Get hours of pleasure mocking my work experience! PATRICK KELLER Work Experience Wam!Net January 2000 - Current Internet Gateway Specialist Responsible for training customers on Wam!Net's proprietary Internet-based file delivery system. Psylum, Inc. November 1999 - March 2000 Columnist Write weekly humor column, "Fightin' Words," for Psylum's web based publication, Psycomic. Distribution Warehousing, Inc. October 1999 - December 1999 Computer Technician Responsible for updating the company's computer systems and ensuring compatibility with a proprietary database system. Improved employee/client communications system. Desperate But Not Serious June 1998 - July 1998 Production Assistant An independent feature film directed by Bill Fishman and produced by Phoenician Films. Worked with various aspects of the production of the film, including extra coordination, art and properties department assistance, transportation and assistant to the First Assistant Director. Movieline Magazine May 1998 - July 1998 Editorial Intern Assisted in the editing and creation of a monthly national film magazine. Responsibilities ranged from headline writing to copy editing, as well as computer network maintenance. The Daily Iowan June1997 - January 1999 Reporter and Columnist, Arts & Entertainment Pages. Responsible for the creation, research and execution of one weekly column and a number of articles. The Daily Iowan June 1997 - May 1998 Editor and Columnist, Viewpoints Pages. Editorial responsibilities included proofreading articles, layout and design of the page, and management of two dozen writers. Worked in high-pressure, deadline-oriented environment for Associated Press-affiliated newspaper with over 20,000 circulation. Awards: Honored for Excellence in Editorial Writing at the Iowa Newspaper Awards. Singled out by local weekly publication "The Icon" in its yearly Best of Iowa City Poll. Awarded A.W. Lee Scholarship by School of Journalism for Excellence in Column Writing. Drake University July 1996 - August 1996 Computer Technician. Reprogrammed and maintained campus computers, requiring familiarity with Macintosh architecture, software and networks. Personally responsible for fixing more than 70 computers a week. Education The University of Iowa, 1994-1998 Iowa City, IA Bachelor of Arts: Communications Studies & Journalism and Mass Communications (with honors). Grade Point Average: 3.62/4.00 Honors: Phi Eta Sigma Freshman Honor Society, Dean's List, Laurence Fairall Scholarship. Selected Course Work: Film Criticism, U.S. Film, Editing Workshop, Survey of Film, Honors Project. Computer Skills: Windows 95/98, Macintosh, Microsoft Word, Quark Xpress, PageMaker, Internet.     All contents of this web site -- even the periods -- are TM & © Patrick Keller, Gern Blansten Productions, so don't try to steal 'em. Any unlawful distribution, copying or non-educational use is highly frowned upon, and will be prosecuted when I get enough money to hire a lawyer. Violators will be spanked. Shoplifters will be persecuted. Prosecutors will be violated.