part 0 | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
puKe!
________________________________ ...we got off?
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\_|___|__/ Frequently Unasked Question (FUQ)
\__|___/ List (Bitchy but sexy version)
\___|/ -= Part 4 =-
\|_/ Pink Floyd Internet Reference List
\/ Version 42 (September 16, 1954 --
SleepyTime Retirement Home.
Where the hell are my teeth?)
Originally compiled by a poodle.
Currently maintained by Mad Default
(mdefault@2000.is.not.the.new.millennium.edu)
or (yechoes-fuq@funyuns.muddle.org)
-=-
Now with Retsin!
The Yechoes FUQ (c) 1998 The Assorted Lunatics
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The FAQ is broken down into four sections, as follows:
Section 1 - General Information
Including speculation on the size of all five
band member's privates.
Section 2 - The Early Years
Follows the boys up to their years in kindergarten.
Section 3 - The Glory Years
We just call it this to piss off fans of other eras.
Section 4 - Under the Wall
Covering Roger's time as a brick layer in Liverpool
after the disasterous failure of his solo career.
In addition to these four parts, there is the "Pink Floyd Internet
Reference List," which details how get desirable women into bed with simple
hypnosis, and naughty suggestions for what to do when you've got them
there. Look for it in book stores everywhere!
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Section 4 - After the Wall
[+] 01. "Problems with the _Final Cut_ CD."
[$] 01.1 "You call this music?"
[#] 01.2 "That's what you said about Fictitious Sports."
[-] 02. "What happens when I lick the colored stripes on the TFC cover?"
[@] 02.1 "What voluntary organizations exist to help me rehabilitate?"
[+] 03. "There's lyrics on _The Final Cut_!"
[#] 03.1 "There's music on it, too!"
[-] 04. "What's all this about puppies?"
[*] 04.1 "Roger did *WHAT* with Dave's dog?"
[!] 04.2 "That's filthy!"
[+] 05. "What are Hydrophonics and YSound?"
[-] 05.1 "Hydrophonics"
[#] 05.11 "How to get your head out of the bucket."
[+] 05.2 "Ysound"
[@] 05.21 "YNotSound"
[-] 06. "What was 'The Hero Returns His Pants 2'?"
[#] 06.1 "What kind of pants were they?"
[=95] 06.2 "Were they nice pants?"
[-] 07. "When and why did Waters leave Pink Floyd?"
[=B6] 07.1 "Does it have anything to do with pants?"
[-] 08. "I made up an extra verse to 'Running Shoes'!"
[*] 08.1 "What do you mean 'So what'?"
[-] 09. "What is/was the amazing BassFinder?"
[+] 10. "Why is Yoko Ono mentioned in 'Pros and Cons'?"
[%] 10.1 "I know she's a talentless bitch, but that still doesn't answer
my question."
[-] 11. "What's under the black box on the cover of _Pros and Cons_ "
[^] 11.1 "Really?"
[^] 11.2 "She has a--?"
[^] 11.3 "Oh. That must make it hard to pee."
[+] 12. "What does the morse code on _Radio KAOS_ say?"
[!] 12.1 "Roger wants me to do *what*?"
[#] 12.2 "But I thought Dave's dog was already dead."
[-] 13. "What is the 'Lost Verse' to 'The Tide is Turning'?"
[#] 13.1 "Ewww."
[@] 13.2 "What is this fixation with Dave's dog anyway?"
[-] 14. "What is said at the very beginning/end of _Radio KAOS_?"
[^] 14.1 "G-d, that poor dog."
[-] 15. "Who is having that pilot/tower conversation in 'Learning to Fly'?"
[#] 15.1 "How did Pink Floyd meet Frank Stallone?"
[+] 16. "Wasn't there talk of a KAOS 2?"
[@] 16.1 "I mean talk by Roger Waters."
[*] 17. "Weren't there a lot of problems at the _Wall in Berlin_ concert?"
[-] 17.1 "I mean besides Cyndi Lauper."
[-] 17.1 "I mean besides Sinead O'Connor."
[-] 17.1 "I mean besides Jerry Hall."
[-] 17.1 "I mean besides The Hooters."
[-] 18. "Why is Alf on Roger's album?"
[+] 19. "What's the backwards message in 'Perfect Pants' say?"
[-] 19.1 "Not the dog *again*."
[-] 20. "What do the Arabic words in 'Late Home Tonight' mean?"
[-] 20.1 "Look, I'm really getting sick of this dog thing."
[*] 20.2 "Not all who hanker for Gilmour's dog are bass players."
[+] 21. "Why does Waters hate Andrew Lloyd Webber?"
[-] 21.1 "Besides the obvious."
[-] 21.2 "That's all, huh?"
[-] 22. "What does the title 'Abused to Death' refer to?"
[-] 22.1 "Aren't there laws against that?"
[-] 22.2 "Well, I know Yoko would object."
[+] 23. "Just how much money does Floyd make, anyway?"
[@] 23.1 "I had no idea a barber made that kind of cash."
[-] 24. "Have you heard They Got In A Crash And Nearly Mangled Themselves
To Death?"
[-] 24.1 "Could you hum a few bars?"
[+] 24.2 "Who just played that rimshot?"
[+] 25. "What is Richard Wright's current status with the band?"
[$] 25.1 "They actually decide salary by the size of their privates?"
[+] 26. "What does the title _This Title Doesn't Mean Anything_ mean?"
[-] 27. "Why is Stephen hawking?"
[-] 28. "What languages are TDB's page numbers in?"
[@] 28.1 "Well, I happen to care."
[#] 28.2 "I don't like the tone of your voice, mister."
[+] 29. "Who or what is 'Publius'?"
[#] 29.1 "Can I go to his house and beat him up?"
[+] 29.2 "Well what's his address then?"
[*] 30. "Where do the tracks on _Pulse_ come from?"
[X] 30.1 "Where do babies come from?"
[+] 31. "Useless Trivia...."
[-] 31.1 "Pecker at the Gates of Dawn"
[-] 31.11 "Who's Dawn?"
[-] 31.2 "A Peckerful of Secrets"
[-] 31.3 "More, Dammit!"
[-] 31.4 "UmmaGunnaPuke"
[-] 31.5 "Frisky Point"
[-] 31.6 "Adam Farted, Mother"
[-] 31.7 "Piddle"
[+] 31.8 "Pink Floyd at Pompous"
[+] 31.9 "Dark Side of My Moon"
[#] 31.1 "Who's butt is that on the cover?"
[-] 31.A "Mice Pair, A"
[-] 31.B "Get Away From Here"
[-] 31.C "David Gilmour (AKA The Doggy Album)"
[+] 31.D "The Doll"
[+] 31.E "The Final Mutt"
[+] 31.F "The Cons of Making an Album Without Dave"
[-] 31.G "Radio POLKA"
[-] 31.H "A Momentary Lapse of Raisins"
[-] 31.I "Indelicate Sound of T.H.U.N.D.E.R"
[+] 31.J "Amused at Beth"
[-] 31.K "Shine Off"
[+] 31.L "The Multiplication Bell"
[-] 31.M "Other"
[*] 31.N "Why don't the Floyd give away more free beef?"
[-] 32. "UAQs (Unanswered Asked Questions)"
[#] 32.1 "If a mime falls in the woods, does anyone care?"
[+] 33. "The Rumo(u)r Mill"
[-] 34. "Directions to Syd's house."
[-] 35. "Which witch is which?"
- Still infected.
+ Showing signs of improvement.
* The penicillin is finally starting to take effect.
This Document Copywright 1998 by the Yechoes Mailing List
For questions on distribution, contact: yechoes-fuq@poodle.org
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[+] 01. "Problems with the _Final Cut_ CD."
There have been several reported problems with the CD of TFC. Some of the
more common complaints about the album include:
+ Listening to side A in one sitting causes dizziness and vomiting
+ Can't get the f*cking thing in my cassette player
+ Rick Wright's keyboards are inaudible
+ The album should have included coupons for free beef
+ There's not a single polka on the entire album
+ A "spoken word" album should be marketed as such
+ The only song with a listenable drum part is "Too Buns In The Sunset"
+ Listening to side B in one sitting causes blackouts and myocardial
infarctions
+ Roger Waters didn't have enough creative input
+ Hot dogs
On the other hand, many people were quite happy with _The Final Cut_,
particularly the fans who were eager to hear Roger bitching about Margaret
Thatcher, and the fans who suffer severe insomnia.
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[-] 02. "What do the colored stripes on the TFC cover represent?"
They're all WWII service medals:
+ The one on the bottom right, yellow-green background with black and red
stripes, is an Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of
Excellence.
+ The middle one with a gold background and black, red and blue stripes is
a Star of Buggery.
+ The leftmost one, blue with a red stripe, is for High Marks in
Masturbation
+ The one with red and white diagonal stripes is the Barber Pole.
[-] 02b. "Who is the soldier on the back of the album cover?"
Shut up! Don't ask that again.
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[+] 03. "There's a lyric on _The Final Cut_ which isn't sung!"
Most of the lyrics aren't so much sung as they are tunefully spoken, though
that seems a matter of opinion, even though smarter people tend to agree wit=
h
me. Specifically, the lyrics that are not sung or uttered at all occur duri=
ng
"Your Possible Prousts":
By the cold and religious we were taken in hand
Shown how to feel good and told to feel hand.
>Then zombies rise up out of their frozen graves
>And sink their gory teeth into my soft brains.
And strung out behind us the banners and hands
Of our dah dah de dum and dum da tatters and hands.
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[-] 04. "What's all this about poppies?"
Didn't I tell you to shut up?
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[+] 05. "What is Homophonics and PSound?"
It is highly scientific jargon for the use of really cool and expensive
recording equipment to make it sound like the music emanating from a
regular set of stereo speakers is in fact coming from the nearest body of
water. If you ever hear someone at a party using words like "hydrography",
"binaural", "interference pattern" or "Mrs. Sedgewick" you must act
impressed and try to get them to explain before some angry female throws a
drink in his face.
[-] 05.1 "Homophonics"
=46rom .\\oke .\\cCootie :
>Good day. Yesterday I was at Tim Horton's humming 'O Canada' to myself,
>eating Tim Bits, pondering the fate of Quebec, and brushing the snow
>off my touque, eh? And so suddenly this thought occurred to me: Has
>anybody really noticed the "huge improuvement" in sound staging produced
>by Mr Zucchini and his labs, eh? If so, explain what's so special, eh.
RonGoon@aol.com explained:
>I noticed it. It's a process by which all the vocals on an album are
>proounced with a lisp, and all the characters in the record are
>fantastically well-dressed and have a refined taste for art.
[+] 05.2 "PSound"
On January 1, 1904 Macintosh user David Prego-Ragu answered in detail:
"When Waters did his Pros & Cons show in 1985, he did an introduction where
he walked over to a roadie, struck him with a mallet, and then said to the
audience, 'If I ask you to point where that assault came from, [here I
pointed in the direction of the toilets of the mens room] and if you don't
point over to the nearest body of water, then we're in trouble.' It was
impressive. For once, I was able to go relieve myself during a show without
missing anything! Thus the advent of PSound!"
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[-] 06. "What was 'The Hero's Return part II'?"
I've told you to shut up twice now. If I hear another peep out of you, I'm
going to bust your ass!
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[-] 07. "When and why did Waters leave Pink Floyd?"
The following is taken mainly from Schaffner's "Saucerful of Sucrets" book,
with additional pieces and support from other books, interviews, receipts,
potato chip bags, fortune cookies, discussions I've had with my gardener,
discussions I've had with my gardener's 18-year-old daughter, and magazine
articles.
-=-
1983
During and after the recording of _The Final Butt_, it was pretty clear that
there was no way that Dave and Roger were going to record together again.
The artistic and personal differences between the two had finally escalated
to heated, if not sometimes violent, arguments over hair gel. Roger
strongly preferred extra hold hair gel while Dave opted for axle grease.
Many of the crew and studio members present for these flare ups saw past
the surface and recognized it for what it *really* was: the old "I don't
like your new perm, in fact, it makes you look faggy" thing that started as
far back as the In The Flush tour. Feelings ran deep on this matter.
1984
So following TFC's release, Roger went off and had a complete rinse and set
while Dave set aside the axle grease and went off to explore new horizons
on the landscape of hair care. "One of the things I could never understand
about Rog," Dave later quipped to Elvis (that's not *the* Elvis, but just a
normal guy named Elvis that Dave knew) "is his insistence on the use of
those clunky old hair dryers, you know, the kind with the big poofy,
flowery hat on? The technology is there and he refuses to use it. Sad,
really, sad... Is that a jelly donut in your pocket?"
Both Gilmour and Waters emerged in public with new hairdos later in the
year, neither of which were embraced by a public who desperately wanted a
new collaborative hairstyle. By this point, people in both camps admitted
that this was not in the cards. Besides, Dave by this point had completely
switched over to hand-held hair dryers which Roger found disheartening,
even going so far as to blame the death of his father on the rapid advances
in hair drying techniques.
1986
Roger released the pointedly titled, "When the Hot Wind Blows" soundtrack
at this time. Many in the press took heed as the title very succinctly
jabbed Dave and his newfound fondness for handheld hair dryers. Thus, the
stage was set for the ultimate Floyd showdown, the showdown between light
and dark, good and evil, leaded and unleaded.
1987
Roger's eyes tried to adjust to the tenebrous darkness. He stood still,
like a statue. Dave stared him down, looking directly into the cold steel
of his eyes.
"Roger," Dave said, "you know I'm armed and I'll take you down."
"You'll never fucking do it!" Roger scoffed, taking a tentative step
forward. "You and your wussy-ass hair dryer!"
"Don't do it," Dave snapped, reaching reflexively for his weapon. "Don't."
"Go-ood," Roger said his head lolling back, savoring the tension in the air
like a dog savors the back side of another dog. "Yes, give in to your
hatred, give in to the dark side."
Dave felt a droplet of sweat course down his furrowed brow. "Never," he
said, closing his eyes in vain against the darkness pushing in on him.
Suddenly, he didn't feel so sure of himself. "You've failed, Rog. I'll
never give in to the dark side. You can kill me, but in death, I'll only
become more powerful. Boba Ezrin can't stop you, and neither can Yehoda
Menuhin, but I can and will." As if in defiance, Dave seized his hair
dryer and hurled it away. "You've failed."
"You are foolish to lower your defenses," noted Roger. "Yehoda never told
you what happened to my father, did he?"
"Yes, he told me plenty. He told me he was killed at the battle of Anzio,
a futile attempt by the Allies to hold their ground in the face of
insurmountable power on the side of the Germans."
"Oh... okay," Roger said, trying to recover. "Okay, well, he never told
you what happened to me down at the Pay Rite last week, did he?"
"Look, Rog," Dave said. "This is silly. I win."
"Dang it!" Roger said. "I'm tellin' my mom!" and disappeared a puff of
logic.
Thus, the rights to the use of the brand name Pink Floyd was won by Gilmour
and the cute little Ewots (as in "Ewots... uh, the deal?")
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[-] 08. "I heard an extra verse to 'Running Shoes' in concert!"
Well, it's not on the album, and since RoIO's aren't always all that great,
it's hard to be sure exactly what the lyrics were. But here's a pretty
close approximation of what I can hear:
Ooh lake, where's it bend?
You ring black the feelers
Owl flavor rampant rage ken
Android afternoons by deliver
Sent crotching the rover
I said "Lie down, roll over
I want to put my penis in again"
Oh baby, sweet face bending lady
Ooh, hot stuff mama!
Also, during several shows after "Sexual Regulation" they did an additional
bit, mainly the line sung by the backup singers: "I said, I'm getting sand
up my ass lying like this" repeated several times.
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[-] 09. "Who or what is/was Fassbinder?"
Nailed to the front of her Fassbinder face
Was the kind of a smile
That only Bob Villa could have hand-crafted
With a couple 2x4's and a half-decent wood shop
=46assbinder is a German playwright, filmmaker, pastry chef, optometrist,
gynecologist, biographer, duck toucher, penmanship instructor, faith
healer, and car salesman with three children and hails from Portland,
Oregon where he enjoys biking, long walks, jogging on the beach, movies,
and quiet romantic, candle lit nights at home. He's 37, 190, 5-10, LD, NS,
NSTDs, HWP, and seeks same for LTR hopefully with someone who understands
the human spirit and how it must roam free. Your picture gets his! Write
to #B5-1551. Big titties a PLUS!
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[+] 10. "Why is Yoko Ono mentioned in 'Pros and Cons'?"
Said Roger Waters:
It comes from a dream, actually. I had a rather disturbing dream
about Yoko Ono trying to pick me up in a bar. At once, I'm troubled
and strangely aroused. Suddenly, she's a beaver, and I'm a zoo keeper
and I'm chasing her around a big cake that's rather phallic shaped. At
some point, we fall madly into bed and we make crazed, passionate, really
bitchy love. She claws at me; I slap her down and have my way with her
several more times before we both fall back exhausted and satisfied.
I'm smoking and she's collecting little pieces of moss and sticks to
build a dam.
You know, I probably shouldn't have told you that, should I?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 11. "Differences between the US & UK _Pros and Cons_ Lyrics Sheets"
Well, one is written in English, and the other is written so Americans can
understand it.
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[+] 12. "What does the Morse code on _Radio KAOS_ say?"
The cover is pretty easy to decipher -- it says:
ROGER WATERS RADIO KAOS AND NO I DID NOT ORDER PEPPERONI ON THIS PIZZA
SO I'M NOT GOING TO PAY FOR THIS YOU TELL YOUR BOSS THAT
The Morse code at the beginning and end of the album is harder to decipher.
It's worth it, though, because it contains special baking tips from Roger's
mum, upcoming sales at KMart, detailed schematics for the construction of a
galactic transport, and secret, little sweet-nothings for you, like this:
- "Love Ya!"
(beginning of album)
- "Be Mine"
(end of album)
- "Oh Baby!"
(during the "I don't like fish-sticks" speech)
- "It is they that must fight and die... Hot Stuff! ... Herbert Hoover"
(end of "Who Needs Infommercials")
See the next question for a more confusing explanation...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 13. "What is the 'Lost Verse' to 'The Tide is Turning'?"
Alright, I done warning you. That's it. Get out!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 14. "What is said at the very beginning/end of _Radio KAOS_?"
This is taken from the column "Who The Fuck Wants to Know?" in TARP (#53):
According to "Pinky Pink" Eric Pink "The Pink Man" Morri'pink'son
(Colorado), it's "...my sandwich, don't touch it" and "That's...".
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 15. "Who is having that pilot/tower conversation in 'Learning to Fly'?"
That's Nick Mason, who made headlines in England by talking an angry monkey
down out of the skies after the monkey had stolen a plane. Distraught by
having recently been removed from his Microsoft board position, the monkey
was demanding 4 million British pounds, 30 crates of bananas, two naked
women, one of those little colorful pinwheel things, and safe passage to
South America. Nick proved himself a hero by pointing out to the monkey,
that it was in fact, a monkey flying an airplane. The sheer absurdity of
the situation sunk in to the primate's brain and the plane was returned to
ground and nobody was hurt, except the 30 nuns and orphans and the two
dozen girl scouts who were out on the landing strip.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[?] 16. "Wasn't there talk of a 'KAOS II - The Quickening'?"
Unfortunately, yes. Roger liked the KAOS concept so much that, during a
break in the KAOS tour, he began writing material for a new disco concept
album about Billy, Jim, Andy Gibb, Donna Summers, Blondie, and Kool & The
Gang, with the working title "Billy Goes to Studio 54". The cover for KAOS
II was supposed to be a drawing by Gerald the Mouse of David Gilmour being
quartered by 4 wild horses.
At one subsequent KAOS show, Roger said he would play some new material,
then proceeded to play "Stayin' Alive". When someone in the audience
pointed out that this song was not new, and that Roger had had no part in
writing it, Roger spat on him and announced that he would play "another
*new* tune". He then proceeded to play a disco version of Fearless. When
one of the roadies pointed out that this song had been written some 15
years earlier, Roger fired him and cancelled the rest of the tour.
Why "KAOS II - The Quickening" was never released is a matter of speculation=
,
but inside sources claim that it's because Dave Gilmour refused to cooperate
with the shooting of the photographs for the inner sleeve.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[!] 17 Weren't there a lot of problems at the _Wall In Berlin_ concert ?"
No, not at all, at least hardly any. There was an unfortunate accident when
the commander of the Russian tank division misread some stage cues and
accidentally drove his entire tank squad into the audience. The rebuilt Stuk=
a
dive bomber was originally planned to only dive over the audience, but the
actual bomb dropping did enhance the atmosphere at the concert.
Musically there were no problems at all, except maybe during the solo for
Comfortably Dumb, when Roger accidentally mistook snowy white for Dave
Gilmour and fired an M-16 at him.
[@] 17.1 "Yes, but I heard that a real disaster occurred?"
Yes, but Cyndi Lauper's performance was part of the show.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 18. "Who were Alf Razzell and Bill Hubbard?"
Razzell and Hubbard were the most famous British comedy team of the post-war
period. The started as a radio act, performing routines stolen from other
comics of the day. In 1961 they started their own weekly TV variety show,
called "Razzell and Hubbard's Programme of Programmes". They later gained
fame for a sketch in which they played injured soldiers in WWI trying to
escape from behind enemy lines. Following Hubbard's death in a boating
accident, Razzell went on to provide the voice for an orange felt puppet
alien on an American TV show.
Why they are on the album is a deeply complicated subject involving Roger's
father, a flock of geese, a pair of white cotton panties, and an orange
felt puppet alien. The subject is too complex and controversial to delve
into in this limited space.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[+] 19. "What's the backwards message in 'Perfect Pants' say?"
It's really (REALLY) difficult to decipher, and it doesn't help that I'm
legally deaf. Nevertheless, I'm 100% confident that it says:
Armadillo, (pause)
however, (pause - sound of Roger punching a hole in a plaster wall)
Stanley Kubrick wouldn't let me (pause)
Use that scene from 2001, and so (pause)
I have decided to record a really bitchy
backward message, (pause, sound of roger hitting ice with an ice pick)
Stanley, (pause)
[7 seconds of Roger yodelling with passionate anger]
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[$] 20. "What do the Arabic words in 'Late Home Tonight' mean?"
It's no good to translate Arabic directly into English, since you have to
take the different cultural backgrounds into consideration. However if you
really insist on doing that, the following is a rough translation for what
is being said. I have no idea what it means, but here it is:
"Roger is God, Roger is God. Dave Gilmour is a money hungry bastard who
sold my principles just so he could be a posh bastard who drinks fifteen
cups of capuccino when he's being interviewed, and I've tasted that
capuccino. It's horrible, I have tasted American coffee that tasted
better... and I've had to drink lots of American coffee, 'cause David
Gilmour snores a lot and we had to share a bedroom during our American
tours and the f*cking bastard just kept me awake all night long so I had to
drink a lot of coffee to stay awake. Roger is God, Roger is God"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[+] 21. "Why does Waters hate Andrew Lloyd Webber?"
Does he really need a reason? This is Roger "Irrational Grudges" Waters
we're talking about! His loathing is flung across the farthest corners
of the globe for no good reason.
But in this case, many fans presume that Roger resents the fact that Webber
has been knighted, while Waters himself has been passed up several times for
just such an honor. Waters' mother was Scottish, and Waters has always
hoped to infiltrate the British nobility and one day lead a revolt against
the monarchy and restore Scotland's rightful place as an independent nation.
Or something.
[-] 21.2 "Didn't Andrew Lloyd Webber plagiarize part of Echoes?"
*sigh* Well this topic seems to rear its ugly head from time to time so it
may as well be addressed here and now: yes, some Yechoesiacs feel that
there is a noteworthy similarity between part of "Echoes" and a passage of
Lloyd Webber's "Phantom of the Opera." Here are the lyrics to the
much-debated part of Phantom:
"Phantoms passing in the street
By chance two phantoms' glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me
And do I take you by the mask
And lead you through the opera
And help me understand the phantom is dead.
(And then the "Planets" verse begins.)
You be the judge. (If you're into that sort of thing.)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[^] 22. "What does the title 'Amused by Breasts' refer to?"
Your mommy and daddy should have spoken to you about this subject. If not,
perhaps you should ask them what the title refers to. They will gladly
explain it to you.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[+] 23. "Just how much money does Floyd make, anyway?"
Loads. Tons and tons. Bucketsful. Heaps. Gobs. Scads. Oodles. Piles.
Roger Waters, on the other hand, makes $3.25 per year.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[%] 24. "Didn't They Get In A Crash And Mangle Themselves To Death?"
Yes.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[`] 25. "What are those Rick Wright solo albums I saw?"
Richard Wright has recorded several solo albums. In 1978, just after being
ousted from the Floyd by Roger and Dave, Rick recorded his first solo
album, "My Wet Dreams," consisting of Rick confessing his erotic fantasies
over a relaxing but sensuous jazzy rock soundtrack. Wright now says that
the album was, "just a lot of wanking about." The lyrics were censored in
every country except Sweden and France.
In 1984, desperate for money and attention, Wright recorded another solo
album. Titled "Rick Wright's Swinging Organ", the cover was censored in
every country except Sweden and France.
In 1996, Wright again got a wild hair up his ass, and so he recorded his
third solo album. The album, "Naked Asia," featured naughty songs about
Asian ladies, and included files for use with computers: namely a
collection of Wright's favorite pictures of naked women. The album was
popular with lonely Internet geeks worldwide, especially in Sweden and
=46rance.
[=] 25.1 "What is Richard Wright's current status with the band?"
***As stated before, Richard Wright was essentially fired from Pink Floyd ju=
st
before the Wall tours. He did not appear on TFC. He did not appear on The
Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking. He did not appear on A Momentary Lapse of
Reason. Neither did he appear on any of Nick Mason's albums. He was not
invited for Live Aid. Elton John ignored him at the Princess Diana
benefit. Macca did not ask him to play on Flowers in the Dirt. Mark
Chapman didn't want his autograph. The Salvation army returned his
surplus clothes. Jerry Springer didn't want him in his show.
Essentially, Rick Wright is ignored by the whole of humanity, except for
the people who read this question.
[~] 25.2. "What's the deal with all the Nick Mason solo albums?"
Nick Mason quickly realized that he didn't have the drive to create a solo
album on his own, so instead he decided to offer his name to bring unknown
artists in the spotlight.
He did this by offering those bands vast amounts of money, if they were
willing to release their next album under his name.
His first attempts ("Nick Mason - Fictitious Sports," "Nick Mason - Wet
Dream," "Nick Mason - About Face," "Nick Mason - Identity") did not sell
very well, so he realized he had to change his tactics a bit.
During the mid 80s, Mason released a series of albums which sold
considerably better than the previous series especially: "Nick Mason -
Thriller," "Nick Mason - Born in the USA," "Nick Mason and the Miami Sound
Machine," "Nick Mason - Slippery when Wet" and "Nick Mason - Welcome to the
Pleasure Dome" which made Nick Mason a household name.
But it wasn't until the band accidentally forgot to pick Nick Mason up at
the hotel during the AMLOR tour stopover in Seattle that Nick realized where
his talents lay, which resulted in the albums that even today are selling
like hot cakes on a cold windy morning ("Nick Mason - Dirt", "Nick Mason -
TEN," "Nick Mason - Nevermind," "Nick Mason - Vs," "Nick Mason - Down on the
Upside," "Nick Mason - In Utero," "Nick Mason - Unplugged" and of course the
multi mega million seller "Nick Mason - Live, Before We Were Dead").
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[/] 26. "What does the title "The Division Hell" refer to?
Math .. plain and simple. Dave Gilmour was at a loss for a title for his
new album, and then he remembered his high school days, and especially the
humiliations of Math classes. Dave Gilmour is one of those people who
cannot count to 21 without being arrested for indecent exposure, so complex
things like multiplication and especially division were sheer hell for
David. Especially considering the size of his privates.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[*] 27. Who is Stephen King ?
Stephen King is an author of very good selling Horror novels, successful
screenwriter and director. Some of his better known books include The
Stand, The Shining and It.
He has absolutely no relation with Pink Floyd.
[-] 27.1 "But didn't Stephen King write some of the lyrics on AMLOR?"
Well, yes, but who didn't?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 28. What language are the TDB page numbers in ?
3. English 15. Canadian
5. British 17. Australian
7. American 19. Texan
8. British * 21. Welsh
11. Cockney 22. Scottish
13. Commonwealthish 72. Egyptian hieroglyph
14. Binary 108. Silly talk
* On some CD booklets, you can see "Oh, Bloody Hell" written faintly under
the characters.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[=] 29. "Who or what is Pooplius ?"
Pooplius is the name of an anonymous person, a group of persons, a variety
of persons posting as a group, a schizophrenic who tries to act like a
group of persons, a group of persons who pretend to be a schizophrenic, or
the reincarnation of Elvis who has posted several cryptic messages to the
alt.music.pink-floyd newsgroup.
Even though no sane pattern could be found in the messages, cunning
observers noticed that all messages involved the word ENEMA and dealt with
issues involving toilet paper.
Even though Pooplius claimed to have contacts with the band, to whom he
constantly refers as "the big cheeses" for no apparent reason there is no
evidence that this is actually true.
The fact that Dave Gilmour says "and this is dedicated to our friend
Pooplius, who always calls us the big cheeses for no apparent reason" at
the beginning of "Run Like Fuck" on the PULSE video is mere coincidence.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[#] 30. "Where do the tracks on PULSE come from?"
It depends whether you have the video, the LP or the CD version. If you
have the video version, the tracks are coming from the one-inch high,
six-inch long, four-inch wide rectangular object inside the video machine,
which is technically referred to as a "video tape."
If you have the CD version, the track come from those 2 round shiny
objects, about five inches in diameter which extreme technophiles call
"compact discs."
If you have the LP version, your [sic] shit outta luck since nobody owns a
record player anymore.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[@] 31. "General Trivia"
* Earth
The earth is round, about 40.000 km in circumference, orbits an object
called "The Sun" in about 365 days.
* Pi
Pi is approximately 3.14159265, and not 3.14159267 as previously thought.
If you actually sit down to work this out on your own at any point, seek
professional help and go get laid at some point.
* Euclides
The 5th theorem of Euclides (the parallel postulate) is neither true nor
untrue. If you base your geometry on the principle that the 5th theorem
is false, you are working with non-euclidic geometries.
The 6th theorem of Euclides (the parallel prostitute) is that for every
prostitute there is an equal and opposite prostitute somewhere in the
universe. Either way, they'll try to steal your wallet if you're not
watching closely enough.
* Goniometry
sin(2x) = 2 sin(x)*cos(x);
sin(x + y) = sin(x)*cos(y) + cos(x)*sin(y);
cos(x + y) = cos(x)*cos(y) - sin(x)*sin(y);
* Prime
There is a finite number of even prime numbers,
whether there is a finite number of odd prime number is unproven.
One of these odd numbers has the hots for one of the even numbers
but nobody's saying which one.
[/] 31.1. "No I meant, General Trivia about PINK FLOYD!"
Jeez, isn't this document long enough? Fine. Whatever. The following bits
of interest don't really warrant mention. Period. We included this section
largely to annoy you, but also to boost our own egos because we know more
about Pink Floyd than you do.
-=-
[-] 31.2 "The Pooper at the Gates of Dawn"
This album was recorded entirely backwards, which is quite a feat when you
consider that the songs were written forwards. Thus, the entire album is a
backwards masked message of sorts.
The song "The Midget" was the first sign of the Floyd's long-standing
contempt towards the vertically challenged.
During the recording sessions, Syd always wore Brylcreem and Mandrax in
his hair as part of his normal outfit. Roger often teased Syd about his
poor hair care, which Roger later came to regret. (During Water's Radio
KRAP tour, a film or "Arnold Lame" was projected on the screen, after
which Waters would aften state: "Syd Barret. He really could have used
a good shampoo and rinse, and a moisturizing conditioner.")
[-] 31.3 "A Thimbleful of Secretions"
On the "Pink Floyd 250th Anniversary" radio show, Roger said that
the lyrics for "Set The Controls for the Heart of the Sun" came straight
from the neighbors dog, which also told Roger to write brilliant concept
records, then berate his fellow bandmates until they could no longer bear
the sight of themselves in the mirror in the morning, then to embark on a
mediocre solo career. Only he was lying.
[-] 31.4 "Less"
It's notable that "Cymbaline" is a self-referential song:
"Hey, this is a song called Cymbaline!"
The irony is, this lyric is sung by goats...
On the Crapitall pressing of the _Less_ LP (SW-11198), the record (not
the sleeve, you twit) has following titles for "Up The Khyber" and
"Quicksilver":
Up the Kyber
Quicksilver
The Ponjinini release (a label based in Pkak Kneesh), the titles were
translated into Mongolian. The translations read:
This is a Song
This is Another Song
There is a Monkey in My Dressing Room
Homosexual Paint Job
Roger Has Tiny Privates
Pizza Wheelies [*]
We Will Pillage Your Country, Rape Your Cattle and Steal Your Women
Procrustean Leather Nuns
Cheezy Poofs
Must You Bludgeon Me to Death with a Cabbage?
Massive Anal Bleeding
New York, New York
[*] Ironically, Mongolian has no word for "wheelie."
This album sold poorly in Pkak Kneesh.
[-] 31.5 "OompaLoompa"
[From Daevid Schitz and Staeven Knobbs:]
"OompaLoompa" is a slang term for midgets and dwarves. As a consequence,
midgets across the world held (very small) record burnings and organized
protests. Dwarf organizations across the world protested the inflamatory
nature of the album and the cover, which depicted Dave, Rick and Nick
punching a dwarf while Roger held him down. Very few people know that this
photo was not staged, but was actually happened backstage one night after a
concert, and famed photographer Herbert Gerbert was there to capture it.
Gerbert snapped a number of shots, and then suggested to the boys that they
switch positions. Then he took the shots and arranged them so that the
cover looks like a picture of Dave, Rick and Roger punching a dwarf, inside
of a picture of Rick, Roger and Nick punching a dwarf, inside of a picture
of Roger, Nick and Dave punching a dwarf, etc.
On the _OompaLoompa_ album cover, the final picture in the series is of the
soundtrack to "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," which didn't even exist
at the time. There is some dispute as to whether the boys time traveled to
get a copy of the cover or whether later soundtrack producers just used the
cover from _OompaLoompa_ as a tribute to the band and their Dwarf-hatin'
ways.
The "Jude" listed alongside Waters is Julian Lennon, who many Floyd fans
will be shocked to discover is Roger's first wife, as will Roger himself.
[-] 31.6 "Zabriskie Point"
Zabriskie Point Song Titles (from NeXT Digital Webster):
Fin-gal's Cave (fin'g'lz)
A slang term for the vagina.
Oe|no-ne (e no'ne) [L < Gr Oinone]
A dyslexic pronunciation of "11."
[+] 31.7 "Watta Fart Mother"
In the WFM Suite, there are two voices that can be clearly heard:
67:28 "God, this sucks."
108:08:35 "What did I do to deserve this, God?! Please kill me!"
Stanley Kubrick wanted "free rein" to use the cow from WFM in his film "A
Clockwork
Orange." The band didn't agree and so Kubrick gave them lots of money.
The album was promoted in the United States with a massive beef giveaway.
Coupons for free beef were handed out to the first 100 people to buy the
album at many record shops. The actual cow seen on the cover was butchered
and served at the final show of the Wadda Fart Mother tour. Her hooves were
made into tasty gelatin desserts. A bit of fur from her tail is on display
at the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame.
[-] 31.8 "Waddle"
The title "Waddle" was meant to be a swipe at Nick's rather large ass,
perhaps from eating too much pie without the crust. As a practical joke,
the band convinced him that the title had some deep meaning -- "Man is but
a duck, waddling across a road, waiting to be run over by the great big
truck of death" -- when it was really just a nasty jab. The cover photo is
of a duck's asshole.
A portion (the naughty bits) of "Fleamus" was used as the theme song for
the movie "Thightanic: A Voyage of Lust."
On "Fleamus," you can hear someone say "Roger's wife is the real dog" right
before one of the dog's solos.
[+] 31.9 "Pink Floyd at Pom-Pom School"
In this playful romp of a film, the wacky Pink Floyd boys visit a women's
cheerleading camp. Between hijinx and picadillos, it becomes clear that the
camp is almost out of money and is in danger of being overtaken by the evil
land developer and sometime writer of music A. L. Webber. The girls -- ahem
-- "convince" the band to play a concert to raise money for the camp, and
the day is saved!
When Nick Mason loses a drum stick during 'One Of These Panty Raids', what
they don't show is that the stick Nick lost went flying and poked out the
eye of one of the soundmen, who is half blind to this day.
[+] 31.10 "Dim Side of the Moon"
The fourth best-selling rock album of all time is _Dim Side of the Moon_:
1 - Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Thriller"
2 - Saturday Night Andrew Lloyd Webber Fever
3 - Rumors About Andrew Lloyd Webber
4 - Dim Side of the Moon
It stayed on Billboard's top 200 album chart for a record breaking
359,127,987,825 weeks, or since the beginning of time. After this,
Billboard changed the format to piss off Pink Floyd and the fans.
An alternate lyric ("Where the hell is my cocaine?") was used in "Time
Magazine" at many DSotM concerts.
What the heck is a VCS3??
The VCS3 is an analog synthesizer. It stands for:
Very
Crappy
Sythesizer
3 ("Three")
It's still being sold by its developers, Electronic Masochism Studios.
It is mentioned in "Piss Off Renee" that the cover of DSotM was specifically
designed by Hipgnosis so that you have to buy several versions of the
album, only to realize that you have probably been ripped off.
[-] 31.A "A Nice Pear (of Tits)"
The cover to _A Nice Pear_ was comprised of several different cover ideas
that Hipgnosis came up with, plus several more new ones (they couldn't
make up their minds, so, "why not use them all?") Many of these pictures
represent common sayings or phrases:
Breasts
Tits
Jugs
Hooters
Jigglers
Milk Makers
Mammaries
Knockers
[-] 31.B "Fish, You Were Near"
If you listen really closely at the end of "Fish, You Were Near," you can
hear violinist Stephane Grappelly say, "You're all a bunch of wankers!"
This is another elaborate practical joke played by the band, who jokingly
promised Grappelly that he could join their band and have all the drugs and
groupies he wanted. They even brought him into the recording studio to
record some violin, and Roger kept giving him direction like, "Play it more
like a naked woman" or "Try playing it without any pants." After several
attempts at pantsless violin, Grappelly got fed up and left.
When Pink Floyd was recording "Slime On Your Crazy Diamond" (and on the very
day of David Gilmour's wedding to the first of his five wives, Finger),
they received a visitor in the studio. He basically kept to himself,
occasionally getting up to brush his teeth. From _Pink Floyd: The
Completely False Discography_:
"During the FYWH sessions a fat, shaven-headed person wearing grey
Terylene trousers, a nylon shirt and string vest wandered into the
studio. The band ignored the visitor and kept on playing and it was
the visiting Andrew King who finally recognised their guest: 'Good
God, it's Adam West! How did you get like that?' To which Adam replied,
'I've got a very large fridge back at the Batcave and I've been eating
a lot of pork chops.' The whole event was slightly un-nerving since
the theme of the album was based on West and his subsequent madness."
The gagging sounds on the title track were caused by Gilmour's incessant
farting. It has been reported that when DG heard the sounds on the album,
he decided then and there to quit.
The lake on the _Wish You Were Here_ inner sleeve is Stereo Lake, in
California. The strange rock formations are a result of the *extremely*
repetitious music that can be heard there at all hours of the day and
night, including Steppenwolf, Supertramp and Bob Seger.
The weird noises and radio sounds between "Gimme a Cigar" and "Fish, You Wer=
e
Here" are a sound collage made from more Gilmour farts and a recording of
Roger sticking Dave's dog with a fork.
[-] 31.C "Daevid Gilmoare"
According to Gilmour, "'Mihalis' is the name of my boat...It's Greek for
'You Will Die A Horrible Death Involving Chainsaws and 3000 French
Midgets.' That's what it was called when I got it and, in Greece, they say
it's bad luck to change it..."
[+] 31.D "The Wall (the album, the movie, and the ice dance)"
In the movie "The Wall," there are a lot of scenes in the background of a
WWII film called "The Damnedbastards." It's the story about two free-loving
hippies in the get-up, get-down, stand-back-I'm-gonna-boogie-til-I-drop 70s
who run off to Colorado to find a piece of plumbing equipment they need whic=
h
turns out not to have been invented yet. Dejected and downtrodden, they
resort to catching a bus driven by the voluptuous Madame Cinnamon LaRoux who
takes their names and numbers and informs them that it'll only be a few
minutes wait. This turns out to be a ruse to get them to sit in the far end
of the bus whilst she cleverly drives them across town to Venice where they
all sit down and enjoy a cup of kiwi cappuccino with a twist of lemon
served to them by the perky, spritely, manic-depressive and only slightly
sociopathic Martin McFender who tells Cinnamon the secrets of the cosmos
only moments before the arrival of saucy and sauced Boomer Figniglet Jr.
III, a perky, spritely heir to the famed Flannery millions, notorious
philanderer and part-time penguin puncher. Meanwhile in Rhodesia, Dr.
=46rederico Venezuela emerges from a night of fun and frolic with the petite
but ever-so perky and spritely Janice Zimbabwe to find that his wallet is
missing and in its place are the infamous Keppel-Lumiere diaries he was
looking for only a week before that contain amazing leaps and bounds in the
collective human knowledge of rhizopods. Armed with only his wits and the
diaries, Frederico embarks on a perilous mission to the treacherous jungles
of South America which would have made a smashing film except the plane he
was on went down shortly after it lifted off. There were no survivors, but
sighted near the flaming wreckage and charred human remains were the two
free-loving hippies from the get-up, get-down, stand-back-I'm-gonna-
boogie-til-I-drop 70's who meet up with Ethel, the cheatin' whore from the
United States, steal her affections and run away with her shortly before
she rips off her mask to reveal that she is in fact the perky, spritely,
manic-depressive, and only slightly sociopathic Martin McFender who
promptly squashes the two hippies with his boots and runs off to Venice to
catch the bus in time.
There are a number of uncredited session musicians on _The Wall_. As a
matter of fact, the entire album is actually written and performed by
session musician Ken Infection, or so he claimed once to a girl in a
Brighton pub that he was trying to pick up (the girl, not the pub).
"Where the hell are you? Where the hell are you Tyler?" heard just before
the song "Hera" is from the movie "Battle of Britain". The Tyler in
question is Steven Tyler, the lead singer of Aerosmith, who was missing
just before a concert the band was playing as he was passed out with a
hooker in an alley.
One of the exhibits at the Rock Hall of Fame will be Pink Floyd Dropping
Bricks on Midgets, a photo essay of one of the promotional events the band
did during the Wall tour. Needless to say, the matter did not help the
band's relations with the little people community, especially the midget in
question.
Bruce Johnston, singer on "Mating with the Worms" and "The Show Must Go On
Even if This Song Really Sucks," is from The Beach Boys -- Rick Wright
wanted the Beach Boys to sing the entire Wall album, as he was too tired,
but this idea was scrapped. Many speculate that ideas such as this one may
have led to his firing.
[-] 31.E "The Final Butt"
"and maniacs don't get blown in vans run by remote control"
This refers to an event in Roger's childhood, when his older, slightly
psychopathic cousin had a van that was called "Club Love," with a bed in
the back and shag carpeting. Roger was particularly traumitized when his
mother refused to let him get his own van.
[+] 31.F "The Pros and Cons of Leaving Pink Floyd"
"...nailed ducks to the wall..."
Nailing ducks to the wall was a reference to a particularly violent hobby
of Roger's, wherein he would go to petting zoos, kidnap live ducks and
staple them to the wall of his basement with a staple gun. His wife was
particularly upset with this habit.
[-] 31.G "Radio KAOTIC"
In what can only be described as the most bizarre case of irony every
recorded, this entire album is, in fact, written by Ken Infection,
performed entirely by the Beach Boys and features the sound of David
Gilmour farting profusely.
[-] 31.H "A Momentary Lapse of Roger"
If you are hearing voices during "Yet Another Goddamned Movie," please
contact the National Psychotic Helpline at 1-888-NUTCASE. (Note: DO NOT
dial 1-800-NUTSACK, as it is an entirely different kind of phone number.)
[-] 31.I "Indelicate Sound of Flatulence"
The DSoF album cover is meant (according to its designer) to capture what
was so special about a Pink Floyd concert--piles and piles of money. "So
you have Mr. Cash (played by Johnny Cash himself) in a showdown with Mr.
Internal Revenue Service. The whole thing was shot in Spain, where we could
get a nice tax break."
In the legal battle with the Floyd, Waters sued to stop the Floyd from
using many of their now-standard concert features, like the huge screen,
weird animated movies, and in particular, the giant inflatable midget,
which roadies would beat into submission during "Nuns? Like Hell!" To
appease Roger, the band changed the midget into a life-size model of Roger,
and added the credit "Original Roger Concept: Mr. & Mrs. Waters"
[+] 31.J "Refused by Death"
"And we all like the bit when you take
The Slinky down the stairs and
George of the Jungle gets hit." ...this is based on a US television
advertisement.
Sex (one of the many things Bob wants) can be obtained at WalMart and other
fine places of business all over the world.
"Each man has his pants, Mark, and yours hang pretty low"
Waters explains this line: "Well, I've long been a fan of Calvin Klein and
his taboo ads. He had this one, with this young lad, Marcus Mark, I
believe, who was wearing just these wonderful white underthings, while, in
another one, I swear you could see everything, but Pat [Leonard] swears
it's just the way he's holding the spear. And in this other ad, he's
wearing these pants, and you could see the boxers over the top of his
pants! I must tell you, I get very flushed when I see those ads."
There's a "Complete _Refused by Death_ Transcript" but we won't tell you
where to get it because we're bastards who must find pleasure wherever we
can, including frustrating newbies like yourself.
[-] 31.K "Scam On"
On the box set, in the print around the weird logo (with all the overlapping
album titles) reads: "Pink Floyd in no way encourages, indulges in or
acknowledges that hallucinatory drugs exist. But if you find some really
good stuff, don't bogart it. Send it to Old Nick, c/o The Funny Farm,
Chalfont."
[+] 31.L "The Revision Sell"
The sounds at the beginning of "Bust 'er One" are the crackling noises
beneath the earth's crust. This is yet another references to Nick's love of
pie. In fact, he wanted to call this disc, "An Ode to Pie," but Sony
executives were afraid the general public would think this was a sexual
innuendo.
Picture Locations:
- Frank's Famous Pie and Dry Cleaning
- Perkins, West Beach, CA. (Makes a bitchin' rhubarb)
- Pam's Pie Palace in Malaysia.
Right after the 3:00 mark in "Take it Back (It's Got Crust)," you can hear
the following:
Ring-a-ring o' roses | Refers to the rose centerpiece on the
| table where the pie was ordered.
A pocket full of posies | Posies are an obscure English currency
| worth approximately .0000001 pence.
A-tishoo! A-tishoo | Nick sneezes and Dave offers him
| his handkerchief.
We all fall down. | Nick dies.
There are a number of sounds in TDB that are a bit familiar:
- Dave's dog yelping from a fork in the ass.
- "Sounds of a midget beating" from Roger's "NoBody" solo album.
- Rick snorting horrendous amounts of cocaine (from "The Wall")
- The dead parrot sketch from Monty Python (in its entirety, during the
interlude of "Coming Back for Seconds")
Extensive study has revealed that Polly Samson is actually Yoko Ono in
disguise, planted there by a vengeful Roger Waters, in the hopes that Mark
Chapman will get out of prison soon.
At 8:18 of "Pie Hopes" there is the following phone conversation:
Dave: Is anyone there?
Voice: Hello. I'm here. What's your name, sexy?
D: Er, "Roger."
V: Oooh... What a sexy name. What do you want to do, Roger?
D: I want to tie you down until you have no power and I'll make all the
decisions and you'll just have to sit there and take it. Then I will
berate you and your friends until they are no longer able to play
their instruments. Then I'll spit on you and make fun of you in the
press. And I'll claim that every instance of creativity in our mutual
history was my work. Then I'll embark on an embarrassing solo career
while you trot around the country...
V:
D: Hello? Hello? Well, great...
[#] 31.M "Other"
* Roger's nose weighs over 3 lbs!
* Clare Torry invented "Sea Monkies"
* Rick has snorted his entire weight in cocaine!
* Steve O'Rourke is an amateur crash test dummy.
* Scott Page is hairstylist by profession
* Guy Pratt is married to Rick Wright
* Nick's mustache once had to be designated carry-on luggage.
* Rachel Fury has appeared in Playboy, Penthouse, and Swank. Sadly,
all back issues are sold out. You'll never see her naughties.
* Andy Fairweather-Low can open cans of condensed milk with his nose
* Pink Floyd rearranged spells "fly pod ink"
* David cannot write his own lyrics because he is illiterate
* One of Roger's kidneys was stolen by a prostitute in Reno, Nevada
* Syd is writing an autobiography. Unfortunately, he is writing
it in the snow.
* Guy Pratt's real name is "Lucky"
* David eats his weight in cookies each week!
* Roger is the original author of the 'Good Times' e-mail virus.
* Gary Wallis is currently dancing in "Riverdance"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[-] 32. Where are they now?
Bob Klose:
Changed his name into Norton Warburg, became an accountant for the
Pink Floyd, stole half their money and invested the rest into pig
farms in Israel, tanning salons in Namibia and Instant Food Inc. in
the Sahara Desert, a chain of McDonalds restaurants in India, and a
version of Windows95 that crashes only half the time. Currently the
richest man on earth, Bob Klose bought an island just East of New
Zealand, and lives there with his harem.
Juliette Gale:
Married Rick Wright, divorced him for his money, but seeing that he
was broke went on to marry Bob Klose who would have none of that
and put her in his harem.
Clive Metcalf:
Changed his name into Andrew Lloyd Webber, went of to write
unrealistic musicals about talking cats, talking trains and amazing
Technicolor dreamcoats. Wants to marry Elton John, but doesn't dare
to tell him for fear of being turned down.
Roger Waters:
Is busy writing an opera in French being called "Papa fume une
pipe". Progress is slightly hampered by the fact that Roger
doesn't speak French, and refuses to take lessons. Is also
creating a stage version of The Wall which will be performed on
tour by "Up With People."
Eric Fletcher Waters:
Remains deceased, much to Roger's consternation.
Syd Barrett:
Got mad, now lives a pleasant life talking to small inanimate
objects and painting pretty pictures on his belly.
The only Floyd member who is happy.
Rick Wright:
After the failure of his solo album migrated to Columbia to research
the possibilities of turning the crowd pleaser "Hose Hose" into a
double concept album. He lives in France, and sometimes Sweden.
Nick Mason:
Still collects Tonka toys, has over 500 shiny ones, but still
hasn't found the elephant. Began writing brilliant concept albums
of striking power and musical complexity, but was distracted by
something shiny. Lives on a strict diet of Kinder Eggs and Yoo Hoo.
David Gilmour:
Deserted his wives and kids and decided to bum his way across the
USA occasionally dropping in with total strangers asking to use
their internet account. Fakes his own autographs.
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[@] 33. "Which One's Pink?"
Roger. Nobody had better ever dare to suggest otherwise.
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! F U Q Y O U !
Although the FUQ was written by... Oh hell, you know who wrote it by now.
We won't put our names here. Anyways, fuqs and thanks also go to Mad
Default, Fred & Ethel & Fred's brother & Antonio, David Schitz, David
Schitz's mom, David Schitz's Mom's Friend, David Schitz's Mom's Friend's
Mailman, a poodle, the good people at www.nudespicegirls.com, the Osmonds,
the god Zarathos, Knickerless Schaffner, Passive-Aggressive Cat Records,
Puffy Coombs, Earwig Chickenseller, Malcolm "Crunchy" Jones, Alan Thicke,
Arnie Rimmer, David Gilmour's sore dog, Yoko Ono, Stanley the Wonder Bra,
Julie 'The Pict' Newmar, Mr Whipple, Dave & Roger's hairdressers, the
Buggered Demon, RonGoon, .\\oke .\\cCootie, Tim's Bits, Pooplius,
Barbara Eden, Tony Randall, Eva Gabor, and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
Without you, the fuq wouldn't have been what it is; it would have been
better.
Of course, the greatest thanks -- an apologies -- go to Roger, Dave, Syd,
Nick and Rick and their associates.
Your comments on the FUQ should be addressed to:
mailto:assortedlunatics@yahoo.com
The Yechoes FUQ ©1998 The Assorted Lunatics
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Hey, Ethel! Ain't this just about where...
part 0 | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
Send praise to the Assorted Lunatics who wrote this
Don't miss A Saucerful of Sucrets: The Pink Floyd Oddity, also by the Assorted Lunatics