THE LATEST

NOT QUITE LATEST

THE ARCHIVE

GERN JOURNALS

FAQ U

THE MAILBAG


MIRTH IN YOUR MAILBOX!
Enter your e-mail for weekly Gern!


RANDOM HUMOR

THE ASSORTED LOONIES

OTHER WRITINGS

GERN INC.

CONTESTS

PANTS!

GERN'S JOURNEYS

LINKIE DINKIES

E-MAIL ME!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

This is where you go when you die.

YOU CAN GET THERE FROM HERE... August 6, 2000


IF YOU DON'T FIND THIS STUFF FUNNY, YOU SHOULD BE TAKEN OUT AND FLOGGED

The Assorted Lunatics - My comedic brothers-in-arms. Check out our annual April Fool's Projects.

The NetWits - A consortium of online humor columnists. More fun than a poke in the eye! (Be sure to check out NetWit #24... He looks kind of familiar.)

Goats - The best comic strip you never read that stars a talking goat.

Red Meat - How can something so innocent looking be so evil?

The Gallery of the Absurd - I can't believe this stuff is real...

Dave Barry Online - My hero and my close personal friend. At least, that's what I tell people.

Selected writings by Steve Martin - Including "How to Fold Soup" and "Mars Probe Finds Kittens" from his books. Classic stuff.

Jive Talkin' - Take advantage of their Jive Translator, chill'ns.

Death Clock - Everybody dies. Wanna know exactly when?

Dumb Laws - Did you know it's illegal for horses in Marshalltown to eat fire hydrants?

Pythonline - Monty Python's official web site. It's not dead, it's just restin'...

Douglas Adams - An interview with the Lord of All Things Hitchhiker. His official website is here.

TimmyBigHands.com - The creators of MST3K have a hysterical web site. Go. Now.

The Editing Room - Your favorite (and least favorite) movies condensed into their purest form, with all their flaws and plot holes exposed for all to see. So funny, I was crying until I nearly puked! How many sites can you say that about?

And speaking of puke...

BODILY-FUNCTIONS.COM

Barf-o-Rama - People reveal their most embarrassing vomit stories. Suprisingly funny if you have a strong stomach...

The Virtual Dog Shit Creator - Go and stick your virtual dog's nose in it.

HOSE-O-RAMA

The "Home Brew" News Page - Head here for the latest on the legal troubles that have erupted over the financing of the new movie.

"Home Brew" - Bob and Doug McKenzie return... (or will they? See above.)

McFarlane Toys have released Bob and Doug McKenzie action figures. The SCTV/STRANGE BREW characters come with plenty of beer and other accessories. A picture of the figures can be seen here.

Mr. Showbiz's story on the new movie

The Internet Movie Database page on Home Brew.

Second City - The Home of the McKenzies

The Bob and Doug McKenzie Web Ring - Your link to all sorts of great Bob & Doug sites.

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!

The Daily Iowan - They suck now that I no longer work there.

Movieline Magazine - In the mood for self-important, wanna-be hipster journalism? Come on over to Movieline! I did, and I regret every minute of it.

Desperate But Not Serious - No, not a description of my love life, but rather the name of the movie I worked on in Los Angeles. (Read more about my experiences on the set here.)
 

TIME WASTERS, INC.

Corona's Upcoming Films - Want the scoop on a flick? Here's the spot. (Screw Harry Knowles, that fat bastard.)

View Askew - Kevin Smith's production company has a kick ass site.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - A comedic work of art, and one of the best shows on the air.

MST3K's Caption This - Try your hand at MiSTing live! Or just watch others do it. (Write captions... get your mind out of the gutter.)

I've Gone Public! - Check out GERN on the stock market. (Okay, so it's for a company called Geron, but cleough. Maybe I should sue for copyright infringement...)

Echoes - A Pink Floyd mailing list. More fun than a barrel of rabid wolverines.


TIME WASTERS, INC. PART TWO:
TV THAT WON'T ROT YOUR BRAIN (AKA WHEN I GROW UP, I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE AARON SORKIN)

SportsNight - The best show television ever. (Pretty big words coming from a non-sports fan like me...) Created and (mostly) written by Aaron "A Few Good Men"/"The American President" Sorkin.

And, in case you hadn't noticed, Mr. Sorkin has a new show on NBC called The West Wing (Wednesdays at 9 PM, 8 Central), which is every bit as good as Sports Night.

Also, check these other interviews with Mr. Sorkin that I've managed to dig up:

TKTV's SportsNight page, with up-to-the-minute news and more.

A Canadian fan's SportsNight page, with quotes and an episode guide.

From the Too-Much-Time-On-Their-Hands-But-Who's-Complaining Dept: A SportsNight page with full episode transcripts. Plus lots of other stuff...

And, finally, the only decent West Wing page I've encountered so far.

 

IT'S NEWS TO ME

The Onion - Possibly the best satirical newspaper to ever come out of Wisconsin.

MST3K Info - Keep up on your Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Savant - Read comics and become cool. I occasionally contribute there. They are on a mission that you need to know about. Read it.

News Askew - The lowdown on what View Askew is up to at the moment.

Spare Bricks - Rick Karhu's excellent Pink Floyd e-zine. (Maybe I'm biased... I'm a contributor. Cough KAOS Theories Cough...)

RANDOM LINKS

Amazon.com - Cheap books! When I write one, you can buy it here

Inlet - The company that employed my good friend Michelle Kite, who helped design the graphics for my site.

All contents of this web site -- even the periods -- are TM & © Patrick Keller, Gern Blansten Productions, so don't try to steal 'em. Any unlawful distribution, copying or non-educational use is highly frowned upon, and will be prosecuted when I get enough money to hire a lawyer. Violators will be spanked. Shoplifters will be persecuted. Prosecutors will be violated.