Friday, May 19, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I Want to Punch FedEx in the Head
I'm so angry at FedEx right now, I can't believe it.
A few weeks ago, I went to a FedEx Kinkos to mail a letter for my girlfriend. Actually, it was one of her continuing education tests (she's a speech path, and they have to earn a certain number of credits to keep current), which was due no later than the first of May. Since it was the Friday before that when I mailed it, it was considered "overnight," but, because these credits things aren't cheap, I bit the bullet. The charge was $20.44. Fair enough. End of story.
Or so I thought...
About two weeks later (this last Saturday), I got a bill in the mail from FedEx for $28.26. (Which, I might add, included a "non-account billing charge" of $10. So... I'm getting penalized for not being a customer? What a great strategy, FedEx!) From what I could tell, it looked like they want my initial $20, and then want to add $28 on top of that. Huh?
So I called customer service to figure out what the hell was going on, although even that part wasn't easy: The initial Kinko's receipt didn't have a phone number for the local branch, but instead has a general 800 number for FedEx that's mostly concerned with shipping and receiving. Eventually, on the invoice, I discovered a separate number for "Revenue Services." (Huh?) I called that, navigated some incomprehensible menus, and finally got a human being.
I explained the situation to the girl on the other side, and she informed me that FedEx doesn't bill at the point of sale, but rather when the package is delivered. So, unlike every other shipper out there, what they ring up at the register might not be what you actually pay! What a brilliant concept!
The only time they generate a mailed invoice like mine, she says, is when the card bounces. Not possible, I think. I have never had a balance low enough (this was on my debit card) not to cover $20. But she says I need to check my credit card statement for a charge from FedEx so that she can erase the invoice. Er, yeah, their customer service desk is only open during business hours in the Midwest, and I don't have ready access to those kinds of things while I'm, you know, at work. Besides, how can I prove a negative?
I spend the rest of the call trying, unsuccessfully, to get the customer service person to explain to me the sense of a business model that doesn't charge at the point of sale. Without any hesitation, she gives me a hotel analogy: They only run your card at the start and give you an estimate of what your bill will likely be at the end. Only, that disclaimer is contingent on you using additional services during your stay. So the analogy only works if you, say, call them up mid-shipment and ask that the driver do a strip tease for the recipient as well.
I asked the girl why FedEx apparently does business different from every other shipping organization out there. She said that she can't speak for other businesses, to which I told her that I'm not asking her to: I'm asking her to explain the logic of their business model. That was greeted by, I kid you not, complete silence. I thought the line had gone dead, but, no, she just didn't want to answer me.
I know full well that phone customer service jobs are some of the worst out there, and that I should be thankful that I got a call center that's not located in New Delhi or Polynesia. But still... that sort of treatment is no way to ensure repeat business. (It's worth pointing out that at no time did I raise my voice or become indignant. Forceful, perhaps, but never impolite.)
Eventually, she got fed (no pun intended) up and told me she would credit me the amount of the bill. I told her I appreciated this, but it wasn't going to change my mind about how they do business. Clearly, she couldn't have cared less.
After that, I called the credit card company/bank, and checked for any sort of charges, and there weren't any. So I called back, and got a much more helpful young lady who said that sometimes Kinkos outlets don't process things correctly, and that leads to, well, situations like this one. Now, if the first woman had told me that, and she could have been lying at that point for all I cared, my blood pressure would probably be about 20 points lower at this point.
Moral of the story: Use UPS. At least you know what you're in for up front...
A few weeks ago, I went to a FedEx Kinkos to mail a letter for my girlfriend. Actually, it was one of her continuing education tests (she's a speech path, and they have to earn a certain number of credits to keep current), which was due no later than the first of May. Since it was the Friday before that when I mailed it, it was considered "overnight," but, because these credits things aren't cheap, I bit the bullet. The charge was $20.44. Fair enough. End of story.
Or so I thought...
About two weeks later (this last Saturday), I got a bill in the mail from FedEx for $28.26. (Which, I might add, included a "non-account billing charge" of $10. So... I'm getting penalized for not being a customer? What a great strategy, FedEx!) From what I could tell, it looked like they want my initial $20, and then want to add $28 on top of that. Huh?
So I called customer service to figure out what the hell was going on, although even that part wasn't easy: The initial Kinko's receipt didn't have a phone number for the local branch, but instead has a general 800 number for FedEx that's mostly concerned with shipping and receiving. Eventually, on the invoice, I discovered a separate number for "Revenue Services." (Huh?) I called that, navigated some incomprehensible menus, and finally got a human being.
I explained the situation to the girl on the other side, and she informed me that FedEx doesn't bill at the point of sale, but rather when the package is delivered. So, unlike every other shipper out there, what they ring up at the register might not be what you actually pay! What a brilliant concept!
The only time they generate a mailed invoice like mine, she says, is when the card bounces. Not possible, I think. I have never had a balance low enough (this was on my debit card) not to cover $20. But she says I need to check my credit card statement for a charge from FedEx so that she can erase the invoice. Er, yeah, their customer service desk is only open during business hours in the Midwest, and I don't have ready access to those kinds of things while I'm, you know, at work. Besides, how can I prove a negative?
I spend the rest of the call trying, unsuccessfully, to get the customer service person to explain to me the sense of a business model that doesn't charge at the point of sale. Without any hesitation, she gives me a hotel analogy: They only run your card at the start and give you an estimate of what your bill will likely be at the end. Only, that disclaimer is contingent on you using additional services during your stay. So the analogy only works if you, say, call them up mid-shipment and ask that the driver do a strip tease for the recipient as well.
I asked the girl why FedEx apparently does business different from every other shipping organization out there. She said that she can't speak for other businesses, to which I told her that I'm not asking her to: I'm asking her to explain the logic of their business model. That was greeted by, I kid you not, complete silence. I thought the line had gone dead, but, no, she just didn't want to answer me.
I know full well that phone customer service jobs are some of the worst out there, and that I should be thankful that I got a call center that's not located in New Delhi or Polynesia. But still... that sort of treatment is no way to ensure repeat business. (It's worth pointing out that at no time did I raise my voice or become indignant. Forceful, perhaps, but never impolite.)
Eventually, she got fed (no pun intended) up and told me she would credit me the amount of the bill. I told her I appreciated this, but it wasn't going to change my mind about how they do business. Clearly, she couldn't have cared less.
After that, I called the credit card company/bank, and checked for any sort of charges, and there weren't any. So I called back, and got a much more helpful young lady who said that sometimes Kinkos outlets don't process things correctly, and that leads to, well, situations like this one. Now, if the first woman had told me that, and she could have been lying at that point for all I cared, my blood pressure would probably be about 20 points lower at this point.
Moral of the story: Use UPS. At least you know what you're in for up front...
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Ninja Crime Wave Continues
As anyone who watches the news knows, ninja crime is rampant in our streets. Their latest victim? Fast-food mascots:
"A young man had jumped out of the vehicle, knocked a boy over in a Quizno's suit and started kicking him. They got back in the vehicle and took off, and we were able to stop them a short time later," said Patrolman Tom Harris, of the North Huntingdon police.Although the story makes no mention of ninjas, all the hallmarks of ninja crime are there, including...
- Violent attack with no warning or provocation
- Mascots (there's little a ninja hates more than a mascot)
I, however, remain unconvinced. Those men in jail are obviously ninja patsies.
Friday, May 05, 2006
The Ninja Crime Epidemic
As everyone knows, ninja crime is rampant in this country. So thank God the ATF had the wisdom to step in when a University of Georgia student's hijinx got out of hand:
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm agents, on campus Tuesday for Project Safe Neighborhoods training, detained a "suspicious individual" near the Georgia Center, University Police Chief Jimmy Williamson said.Think it was a coincidence that this joker's name is "Ransom"? Obviously, he's up to no good. My bet is, he's actually a ninja, but used some of that advanced ninja subterfuge to imitate a Georgia student. (If you'd like to try this at home, douse yourself in Old Milwaukee and say "y'all" a lot.)Jeremiah Ransom, a sophomore from Macon, was leaving a Wesley Foundation pirate vs. ninja event when he was detained.
"It was surreal," Ransom said. "I was jogging from Wesley to Snelling when I heard someone yell 'freeze.'"
Ransom said he thought a friend was playing a joke before he realized officers had guns drawn and pointed at him.
Unsurprisingly, this punk has the commies at the ACLU on speed dial:
Ransom said he plans to meet with an attorney to discuss possible legal action against the ATF for their treatment of the situation.If you ask me, they should throw his case out of court faster than you can say "zero ninja tolerance."
