Awww, he thinks he's people!

Actually, no, he doesn't.

"Everybody says the dog was reacting to her going back to work," I suggested.

"Everybody is probably wrong," was his blunt comeback. "It's 'theory of mind.' This is what often happens when humans assume that dogs think the way we do."

His analysis: "Being angry at the human and behaving punitively—that's not a thought sequence even remotely possible, given a dog's brain. The likely scenario is that the dog is simply frightened." When Heather was home, she was there to explain and enforce the rules. With her gone, the dog literally didn't know how to behave. The dog should have been acclimated to a crate or room and confined more, not less, until she got used to her new independence.

Conclusion: Your dog is dumb. Cute, but dumb.

A Nice, Hot Cup

I work at a good-sized construction management firm, so I'm used to my left-leaning political tendencies being in the minority. That said, I'm not out in the field, where the real hardcore right-wingers tend to be, I'm in the main business office. So the political rhetoric is generally limited to random, anonymous postings of Clinton-bashing internet forwards posted on the corkboards above the urinals. Normally, I just tolerate it, but sometimes I'm driven to post out my own, opposing viewpoint (such as the time when someone printed out the old chestnut about how we have so many more taxes these days than we did back in the good ol' days before electricity, indoor plumbing, and cars). These have a tendency to get torn down within a day or so, and so I dutifully print them out again and put it back up, and continue to do so until I feel as though I've made my point. But generally, it's pretty quiet, and the boards are basically empty, save for the odd Calvin and Hobbes cartoon.

Then, a few weeks ago, something went up that really bugged me. Many of you are familiar with this image from countless online discussion threads:

Funny, yes, but a tad overused, I'd say. But not my point. Eventually, something as popular as that produces rejoinders and parodies, such as this one, which got printed out on 8.5 x 11" and stuck on one of the boards:

Maybe it was clever at the time it was first posted, I don't know. What I do know is, it seems A) overly simplistic, and B) unnecessarily ad hominem, but then, that's the usual right winger MO.

My first reaction was to tear it down, but that seemed, well, too easy. So, after a few days of stewing on it, I used Photoshop to make this:

Surprisingly, no one tore it down, and I felt like I made my point. Only, after a few days, I felt like it had outlived its usefulness. So I started thinking about it, and my brain crapped this out:

Which, frankly, makes me giggle like I should be institutionalized. But I'm not sure I should put it on the corkboard. On the one hand, it's not out of line with some of the random jokes and cartoons that sometimes get posted there. On the other hand, I'm a little paranoid about posting this kind of thing. For one thing, they could accuse me of creating this while I'm on the clock. Or they could just make a stink about cruelty to animals. Or pick any of a number of reasons to come down on me, although (apart from this posting) they have no way to know it's me. I doubt it, but you never know. But, more than anything, maybe it's not as funny as I think it is.

Thoughts?

I'm Sorry... Uphold What Now?

According to the Prez, the Constitution is now, apparently, no different than Highlights magazine. I seem to recall an oath that says otherwise, but hey, I'm not the President of the United States:

Last month, Republican Congressional leaders filed into the Oval Office to meet with President George W. Bush and talk about renewing the controversial USA Patriot Act.

Several provisions of the act, passed in the shell shocked period immediately following the 9/11 terrorist attacks, caused enough anger that liberal groups like the American Civil Liberties Union had joined forces with prominent conservatives like Phyllis Schlafly and Bob Barr to oppose renewal.

GOP leaders told Bush that his hardcore push to renew the more onerous provisions of the act could further alienate conservatives still mad at the President from his botched attempt to nominate White House Counsel Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.

"I don't give a goddamn," Bush retorted. "I'm the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way."

"Mr. President," one aide in the meeting said. "There is a valid case that the provisions in this law undermine the Constitution."

"Stop throwing the Constitution in my face," Bush screamed back. "It's just a goddamned piece of paper!"

I’ve talked to three people present for the meeting that day and they all confirm that the President of the United States called the Constitution "a goddamned piece of paper."

We live in dark times. On the upside, there's now a slight increase in paper that you can wipe your ass with in our nation's capital.

Please, Carrot, Don't Hurt 'Em!

Women, children, shield your eyes, please: I present to you the new, "improved" (?) Carrot Top:

Believe it or not, this is not a lookalike or Photoshop trickery. What it is is one of the least disturbing images of the newly bemuscled Mr. Top with his shirt off. Another image in the series clearly shows that Carrot's "top" matches the carpet...