Okay, I'll cop to it: I watch Everwood. It's my secret shame: I willingly watch a WB teen drama. It all started because I found the female lead absurdly cute, even though she's playing a character that's about half my age. But the way the show walks the fine line between relatively smart drama and dopey soap opera. Then, as I watched the Thanksgiving episode, I realized something: This show is secretly about making the young girl, Delia, into a serial killer.

First her mom dies in a car wreck. Then they make her best friend into a hermaphrodite, who has to stop playing with her because he's acting too girly. Then her college-age babysitter gets fired for making out with her older brother, who's just in high school. And her dad just got involved with this woman she hates, who also happens to have HIV.

I'm telling you, this girl's going to start torturing small animals before she's in junior high...