Another dispatch from the long-absent Ted the Henchman©:

So I had an absolutely shit day. Yes, it's Christmas at a retail store, but beyond that, I had to open the store today, and my manager left early because he's overworked and has the flu. Which left two of us in the store, neither one fully trained. The other guy, Jerald*, who is a nice enough kid, but a greedy competitive bastard when the cards are down.

Anyway, the manager went home after a few hours because he was just too sick, which was fine, and that left Jerald and I. Normally this would be no problem, but we got absolutely swamped. I mean nailed. And it wasn't just ringing up sales. We had tons of returns, phone calls, and worst of all, cell phone sales, which ties up the computers for at least fifteen minutes at a time, meaning the lines just get longer and longer and there's nothing you can do but wait. And it's cell phones that make the company the real money, not to mention the ones they pay you small cash bonuses for. But as I mentioned, Jerald is a greedy little bastard. A few days back, I actually saw him take a customer out of line, bumping a little old man with a one dollar item who was standing right there at the counter out of the way, so he could ring up a $50 sale. I wanted to slap him, but I resisted.

So without the manager there, or indeed anyone else to relieve the flow of impatient customers a bit, Jerald was able to cherry-pick the customers he wanted. So he got something like seven cell phone sales while I tried desperately to fix the sales of a few unsatisfied customers and ring up whatever strays I could. Meaning he made a small (okay, very small) fortune in commissions, while I made barely anything and got the stink eye from everyone.

By the time the tide of customers abated, it was 4:00, I'd been there since 9 AM without a break. I actually managed to sell one cell phone, but only by specifically telling Jerald that I had spoken to the customer (i.e., laid my claim to him) previously, when I'd only said a brief "hi" to him while running across the sales floor to grab something for another customer. But it was the principle of the matter, dammit. (Unfortunately, that principle meant trying to ring up two customers at once since I was in the process of fixing another customer's order. The cell phone guy had to wait forever for me to get to him properly.) The worst part is, Moe gave me a dirty look for even telling him I had spoken to that customer when he'd just rang up one guy for three phones.

Then he went on to completely ignore the people on the floor so he could call up another customer who wanted to process a cell phone order over the phone. Whee.

To top it off, when I left to finally get something to eat he got another rush. Milder, sure, but he sold a few more cell phones then too. (The guy who called up earlier came in, I guess.) Now from this story, it sounds like we get cell orders all the time, but we don't. In fact, the guy today was only my second ever. The store is seriously hurting for that business. As such, there's really no recourse. Jerald's doing what the company wants us to do, basically, which is focus on the items that make it the most money. But it's unfair to the customers, unfair to the salespeople, and basically wrong. I'm all in favor of making money, but piss off enough customers and then what?

I have to get out of this business, fast. I can't believe I'm actually quibbling about a hundred bucks. Look what I've become.


* Not his real name, obviously.

© 2003, Ted the Henchman™