Sometimes you just can't make this stuff up:

Get Paid to Write a QUICK How To or info Article

Get Paid to write a how to article or information piece.

My first submission? Capitalization rules...

Currently seeking one to two page how to articles in the following subjects: Also these articles are to provide a very basic overview of the subjects. Not intended to to teach everything about the subject.

Note: I did not edit this job listing in any way... Regardless, I am going to assume that he does not want articles on "Also these articles are to provide a very basic overview of the subjects." or "Not intended to to teach everything about the subject." Maybe he'd like one on proper sentence structure.

These articles should be written by you and Copy Write FREE.

That should be easy enough, since I have no idea what "Copy Write" is. Some sort of program? Computer virus maybe?

We will pay a garneted $3.00 for each article accepted and up to $5.00 for well written ones.

Whoa. Slow down there, Moneybags. A whole three to five dollars???

Maybe since it's "garneted" money, it's worth more than face value. Money encrusted with jewels would be kind of cool.

Hurry as this is a limited quick opportunity to make some quick cash.. Payment can be maid via Papal, or Cash.

How does one "maid" payment anyway? Is that like when you get a mint on your pillow? And how exactly do I get the money from the Pope?

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[snip]

How to choose the right lap top

One belonging to someone who wouldn't mind you sitting on it? Santa maybe?

I hate to be a grammar bastard, but this just struck me as absurd...

Speaking of writing, I got an e-mail from someone who stumbled across an old column of mine on making out and had some very nice things to say. Going back to the piece itself, I was fairly unimpressed with it as a whole, save this one line, at the very, very end (it was part of the bio that appears after every column): "The opinions contained within this column are in no way, shape or form those of Bob Packwood or Grand Funk Railroad."

That gave me a laugh. The rest of the column, not so much. Now, sometimes, I can read something I've done a while back and get a good laugh out of it. (This column, for example, is probably my all-time favorite, partially because I just started writing it without any idea how it would end. It hit me and made me laugh so hard I choked. But I digress...) I suppose that's what I miss most about having a weekly outlet... That potential for surprise is amped up when you are under pressure to perform on a schedule and for an audience. I'm looking for ways to get back to that now, even though I know it's a drain on other aspects of my life. But so what? I think the benefits outweigh the downsides. I think.

Not happening as soon as I'd like, but it will, I'm certain.

More as it develops.