I am assured that everyone has them: irregular heartbeats. A few years ago, accompanied by elevated levels of stress at my job, I started having panic attacks, which at first seemed to be heart-related episodes. It was the only time I can recall having paid any attention to my heart, other than those quiet moments in bed when I was trying to sleep.
The panic attacks have long since subsided, but the paranoia about my heartbeat continues to this day. One of my initial responses to the problem was to begin running regularly, in the hope that it would force my heart to undertake a regular heart rhythm. Not a bad hypothesis, I suppose, and it didn't hurt that I began to enjoy my regular jogs. But the palpatations continued to come. Continue to come. In one worrying incident, I was at a coffee shop with my friend James recently (not drinking coffee, I assure you) when I had an extended series of palpatations. One of them, I don't worry. Two, still no worries. (Okay, maybe a little worried, but it soon passes.) But if it continues for a minute or so, I start to freak out, which really doesn't help matters.
As soon as I had managed to calm down, I treaded out to my car to call my brother on my cell phone. He assured me that, in the absence of any pain or light-headedness, I shouldn't worry about these, but I should keep track of my pulse, if at all possible.
So, laying in bed tonight, waiting for sleep, I began to notice repeated palpatations. I started to worry, which, again, probably doesn't help things. But the problem seemed to fade, so I ignored it and tried to sleep. Then they started up again. And then, bizarrely, I jolted awake with a sensation I cannot satisfactorily describe. It was like an unexplained sense of panic mixed with a palpatation that came on without warning. Simply put, it scared the living shit out of me.
Haven't had a palpatation since, but I am, needless to say, freaked the fuck out. It's probably nothing, but that really doesn't help my state of mind much. And since I live alone, I feel even more freaked out in a way, because if something did go wrong, I'd be on my own. (I'm starting to understand why people generally tend toward binary relationships...) All of which is rational, I suppose, in a way, but also seriously lacking in a sense of proportion, because this is all probably nothing.
The real irony of it all, in the Alanis-sense of that word, is that I went to bed early tonight so that I could get a decent night's rest and maybe get some work done tomorrow, but now I doubt I'll get either.
The panic attacks have long since subsided, but the paranoia about my heartbeat continues to this day. One of my initial responses to the problem was to begin running regularly, in the hope that it would force my heart to undertake a regular heart rhythm. Not a bad hypothesis, I suppose, and it didn't hurt that I began to enjoy my regular jogs. But the palpatations continued to come. Continue to come. In one worrying incident, I was at a coffee shop with my friend James recently (not drinking coffee, I assure you) when I had an extended series of palpatations. One of them, I don't worry. Two, still no worries. (Okay, maybe a little worried, but it soon passes.) But if it continues for a minute or so, I start to freak out, which really doesn't help matters.
As soon as I had managed to calm down, I treaded out to my car to call my brother on my cell phone. He assured me that, in the absence of any pain or light-headedness, I shouldn't worry about these, but I should keep track of my pulse, if at all possible.
So, laying in bed tonight, waiting for sleep, I began to notice repeated palpatations. I started to worry, which, again, probably doesn't help things. But the problem seemed to fade, so I ignored it and tried to sleep. Then they started up again. And then, bizarrely, I jolted awake with a sensation I cannot satisfactorily describe. It was like an unexplained sense of panic mixed with a palpatation that came on without warning. Simply put, it scared the living shit out of me.
Haven't had a palpatation since, but I am, needless to say, freaked the fuck out. It's probably nothing, but that really doesn't help my state of mind much. And since I live alone, I feel even more freaked out in a way, because if something did go wrong, I'd be on my own. (I'm starting to understand why people generally tend toward binary relationships...) All of which is rational, I suppose, in a way, but also seriously lacking in a sense of proportion, because this is all probably nothing.
The real irony of it all, in the Alanis-sense of that word, is that I went to bed early tonight so that I could get a decent night's rest and maybe get some work done tomorrow, but now I doubt I'll get either.
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