During a particularly prolonged crap today, I had a thought that would probably only ever occur to a man: Someone should install scales in toilets to measure exactly how much you dropped into the bowl.

Now I know I'm not the only one to wonder about this stuff. For ages, men have bragged about how they "just lost ten pounds..." This way, they could show you a computer print-out to prove it. Filthy and wrong, I know, but I bet they'd sell a ton of them. (No pun intended.)

It reminded me of a quote from Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: "The fabulously beautiful planet Bethselamin is now so worried about the cumulative erosion by ten billion visiting tourists a year that any net imbalance between the amount you eat and the amount you excrete while on the planet is surgically removed from your body weight when you leave. So every time you go to the lavatory there it is vitally important to get a receipt."